Mother's Day, for the Un-Mother

Disclaimer: This post took forever to write. There was lots of writing, erasing, re-writing, and changing going on. I'm not generally this open about being an Un-Mother, so please be gentle! ;)
Vanessa

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In looking head to next week's Sunday School lesson, we'll be discussing Hannah. I think the book focuses more on the vow that Hannah made to God and the seriousness of such a vow, and of course the usual Mother's Day stuff, in that Hannah was an awesome mother. I'm pretty sure the Greatest Mom Ever List goes something like: Mary, Hannah, my mom... hahaha
Some background: Hannah was married to Elkanah, who was also a husband to Penninah. Hannah was barren, and Penninah was far from it. The Bible says that Penninah provoked Hannah about being barren, to the point that Hannah cried and would not eat. When he gave his sacrifice, Elkanah gave Penninah and her children their portion, and he gave Hannah a double portion out of love. He later asked her why she was so upset, saying "Am I not better to you than 10 sons?" Year after year, Hannah prayed for a child. Year after year, Penninah made Hannah's barren-ness more difficult. Year after year, Elkanah misunderstood why his wife was so upset.
Hannah went to the temple, where she prayed fervently. (Possible understatement of the year award) She wept, and prayed, and was so "into" her praying that Eli, the priest, thought she was drunk. She told him she was not drunk, but pouring her soul out to God. Of course, if you know the story, you know that Hannah vowed to God that if He would give her a son, she would give her son back to God, and not a razor would fall on his head. God did indeed give Hannah Samuel***, and she followed through with her vow. "For this child I prayed, and the Lord hath granted me my petition which I asked of Him" I Samuel 1:27
This is a little what Mother's Day is like for the Un-Mother. Now, most of the time, nobody is making fun of the Un-Mother, or purposely calling her out, but it still stings. There are lots of types of Un-Mothers. The never-been-pregnant-Un-Mother. The can-conceive-but-not-maintain-a-pregnancy-Un-Mother. The not-married-but-wants-a-husband-and-children-Un-Mother. The has-one-or-more-children-but-now-experiencing-secondary-infertility-Un-Mother. The I-have-a-child-in-Heaven-Un-Mother. None of the Un-Mothers trump any of the others, the pain is still there. All of the mothers are asked to stand and be recognized, and the Un-Mother is one of the few females over the age of 18 who is still seated. All of the mothers are given roses, or gift books, or whatever your church does to recognize mothers, and the Un-Mother hides her tears, not so much that she doesn't receive a gift, but more so that she doesn't qualify for that gift. The Un-Mother may disappear during the service. The otherwise-faithful-in-church-attendance Un-Mother may just skip that particular service all together.
There are those who would tell the Un-Mother to celebrate her own mom on that day, or to honor the women in her life who ARE moms, and to remember that "one day" she will "probably" be a mom, too. We Un-Mothers DO want to celebrate our moms, and we DO want to honor those moms around us.... But we also know that "one day" seems like an eternity when your arms are empty, and "probably" is no promise that those arms will be filled.
You may not always see us weeping and praying for children. We have our own Penninah's we have to face. Well-meaning people misunderstand our reasons for being upset and grieving over our current barren states. Just because we don't appear as Hannah on the outside, doesn't mean we aren't crying and praying in our hearts.
As you remember and honor moms next week, please don't forget the Un-Mothers.

***God also blessed Hannah with 3 sons and 2 daughters, in I Samuel 2:21.